How God Met me on My Yoga Mat

Five years ago, I got baptized while I was on a yoga instructor retreat working to get my license to teach. While I was there, I had an experience on my yoga mat during one of our nighttime sessions that changed my life forever.

Growing up, I went to Christian school, and was in the Word so much that I knew Jesus, and who he was very early in life. I knew he was my friend, I know he was my father, and I knew he was Savior. Despite knowing who he was, and how he saw me, I still had a lot in my heart hidden away from him.

I carried a lot of shame from an incident that happened when I was a young girl, and my mind buried a lot of the memories of that time to protect me. What I did remember, I felt ashamed for and I didn’t want anybody to see it. I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want God to see it.

So when I got on that yoga mat that night, and a song came on about Jesus giving us his whole heart, and not hiding any part of it from us, all the memories I had worked so hard to get rid of came flooding back. Through the movements the instructor took us through I was inspired to give it all up to him and stop carrying it around. When all I could do was lie down in a resting position and cry, a fellow instructor met me in that space, laid their hands on my shoulders and allowed me to go through the moment.

From that day on I slowly released the guilt and shame I felt my whole life. When I got baptized I chose to give Jesus every part of my heart, and allowed the Holy Spirit into every dark corner.

When I got home from the retreat I wanted to share that experience with everyone I knew. I taught classes for my friends, got on my mat daily, and imagined doing it for forever.

That was until someone told me what I was doing was wrong. In their mind yoga was bad for believers, and would lead them away from God - the opposite of what I was facilitating in my classes. Despite their apologies for how they stopped me from being allowed to teach where I had been, I was hurt. My healing up to that point seemed invalidated. And while I now see that my experience was valid and from the Lord, I haven’t taught since.

Something about being hurt by someone in the church stings a little more than someone outside of it. Am I right? Thankfully I am in a space with people who care about me as much as they care about what I’m doing. They have gotten to know my heart, and my motives before misplacing judgment. They have made me feel safe to share my whole heart, and not just give it away in pieces.

If you’ve been hurt by someone in the church - you’re absolutely not alone. People are flawed and constantly make mistakes judging people rather than getting to know them. But there are also churches full of people who love like Jesus and encourage you to get back on your mat. Don’t give up finding those people. I just know Jesus has something better for you.